i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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