just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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