it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
