party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i have two assholes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
