I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize