I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
