turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
