I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
