fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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