I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
