I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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