Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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