we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
