The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
