i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
