dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
