I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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