I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
