Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
