This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
