It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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