Swine flu. Run for my life!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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