I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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