The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
