You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
