somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
whose ass print is on the piano?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
