You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
