nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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