how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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