that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
