Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
