I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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