Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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