Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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