Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
