I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize