it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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