3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
