She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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