You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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