After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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