I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize