All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
