Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
