I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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