I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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