I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
