i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
