i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
