She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
