so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she peed on how many people?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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