I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
