420 ftw
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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