Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
handjob tips. give me some.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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