clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
