you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
