then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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