i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
