I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
