She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
