I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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