You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Someone shit on the floor
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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