my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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