Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I lost the right to judge tonight
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
