Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
