He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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