so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
