Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
