Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
