I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
