my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
